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Simon had always told his friends and family "When I win the Lotto I am going to buy a classic De Tomaso Mangusta, the
sleekest, most stylish, car ever made." Of course, no-one took him seriously.
But, amazingly enough, Simon DID win the
Lotto. His face was almost splitting in two as he smiled from ear to ear. That car would be his.
He went down to the showroom
and sat in the car of his dreams. The salesman was droning on about the features, but Simon knew them all by heart. He watched
the salesman's face as he wrote out a cheque for the full amount. This was one car he wouldn't need a loan for. The salesman's
face took on a fixed look as he realised he wasn't going to make commission here.
All forms signed, insurance arranged,
Simon eased the car out of the showroom. He closed his eyes and touched the accelerator briefly, just to hear the roar, then
he pulled out into the traffic.
Simon drove through the city streets and out into the country. There was a road he knew,
long and straight, going over hills, and there wouldn't be much traffic on it. No speed cameras either.
He found the road
and just sat in the car, looking over his chosen course and imagining how the car would feel. All was clear. No traffic. FOOT
DOWN!!
Simon accelerated slowly at first, feeling the thrust of the car as the speedometer needle rose faster and faster.
30MPH, 40MPH, 50MPH...
He glanced at his rear-view mirror and thought he saw a dark shape come over the hill behind him.
It was approaching fast. Catching him up. Simon put his foot down harder. 60MPH, 70MPH, 80MPH...
The shape was still gaining
on him. It was only a few yards behind the car. Then it passed him. Simon was astonished, it was a CHICKEN!!!
As it pulled
away ahead of him Simon accelerated faster and faster. He was doing 112MPH and was hardly gaining on the chicken. Suddenly
it shot off the road into a farm. Simon hit the brakes which squealed and complained as the car slammed to a halt. Dust and
tyre smoke billowed out in dark clouds all around him.
Simon dashed out of the car into the farm. A farmer was looking
over the fence at an enclosure full of chickens.
"Sir, I know this sounds mad, but one of your chickens was running along
the road at over 100MPH."
"That's roight, Sor."
Simon looked at the chickens. They each had 6 legs.
"You see,
our marrket research sez people loiks chicken legs, so we breeds 'em with 6."
"That's amazing. How do they taste?"
"Dunno.
No-ones caught one yet."
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